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Pissing off a cop

I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes
and when I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking
ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a
guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him
a pencil necked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for
having bald tires!! So I called him a horse shit.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he
started writing a third ticket!!

This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the
more tickets he wrote.

I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner.


No Respect

My wife, she took me to a drive-in movie. I went to use the can, she
I don't get no respect from my wife. For my birthday I asked for a new
suit, she served me with divorce papers.
With my wife, I don't get no respect. Well I asked her to iron a shirt,
she made me put it on first.

I don't get no respect. I was feeling romantic and asked the wife to
come out in the yard to look at the moon and stars . I got shit on by an
overflying bat.

I ran unopposed for political office once, and came in fifth.

I took a personality test once and was encouraged to cheat

Whenever I raised my hand in class to answer a question, the teacher
made me go to the bathroom.
I asked an insurance guy for a quote, he said "absence makes the heart
grow fonder".
Whenever I played in the sand box as a child, our cat would cover me
When I was a kid my parents bought me a jungle gym for the back yard -
It was a frayed rope stretched tightly over quicksand filled with


My birth certificate lists an expiration date.

from the humor of Rodney Dangerfield

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Manure Happens
by Hilma (Volcano) Volk

Website: http://www.manurehappens.com

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